Please baby, let me explain…

Go ahead and say it…I suck. No not you, me. I’ve slacked tremendously on writing blogs lately. Please baby, let me explain. First of all, I’m a mother of 3. Quick rundown…hubby-ADHD, oldest boy-preteen with a teenager’s attitude, middle son-ADHD, and youngest son-3. Secondly, I’m a SAHM and I go to college. So in the mix of everything I’m pushing knowledge into my brain. Here’s the thing, I’m a little OCD with my grades, meaning I must have a 4.0 average.

I’ve recently decide to pursue a lifelong dream of mine. One that I’ve always been petrified to try because well…grammar, spelling, and writing knowledge is a huge weakness for me. Commas, short sentences, run-ons…they are too much sometimes for me to get. I write the way I think. Oh, I got to rambling so much I forgot to tell you. Do you really need to know now? Have you read my previous blogs? Anyways. I’ve written a book. I’m in the process of edit, rewrite, polish, love it, then shoot it out to the publishers. I’m excited! Oh and I’m knee deep in the 2nd book of the series, and I’ve started birthing characters for a 3rd book. Busy, busy, busy.

I tell you all the above stated because I wanted to tell you this: I want to write. I want to write, and I want to write. I want to bring life to someone else’s life with my writing. I ditch my family on beautiful days of playing outside just to seclude myself in the bedroom and write. I run away from the dinner table so I can skim through homework and get to writing, and I stay up really, really, really late to write some more. What do I want out of all this? Not to become rich and famous although that’s always a positive, but to let whoever picks up my book have new people in their lives. I love my 2 main characters of my book. I find myself wondering what their next move is. Are they going to do this, or that? In my own mind they are real people, and I want to share them with the reader. Trust me when I say, you will love them too.

So, please don’t be mad at me for not giving you many blogs right now. I promise I’ll make it up to you. I’ll give you a back massage or something. Don’t ask for a foot rub though. The hell with a foot rub! Hell no. Yuck. I’ll make you a casserole or something…when I have time. 😉


Thiefs! No really 1st, 2nd, and ideas.

They sucked the life out of me! Don’t ask me who, but some damn body has. I’ve been down and out…sick since late Friday evening…it’s Sunday now. When I stand I feel like I’m a beginner on stilts. I look like a new born giraffe wobbling around. Saturday I didn’t eat, today I’ve taken a few bites trying to regain my strength but it’s not here. Don’t feel bad for me. Give me no sympathy please. Just do me one small favor. Hunt these energy suckers down and give me back what they took.

Enough of the whiney stuff, let me introduce you to some things that are in my works. I’ve written my first novel. It’s complete. Took me 2 weeks to throw up on several pieces of paper! It’s now sitting in the lap of my best friend, Bree, bless her heart. It’s rough, I know it is. I’ve re-read it and laughed my butt off realizing that I should have listened to my English teachers while I was in school. Everyone smiles, nods, whispers, raises, and gasps. Bless them all. Bree’s giving me better insight on descriptive stuff.

Now from the 1st book stems the 2nd book. You all will need an answer…oohh I’m getting your attention. You’re gonna love it. I’m hoping to keep the title if whoever is awesome enough to publish my awesomeness on paper. Am I allowed to tell you it? I’m naïve with the rules of this stuff. I just want to write.

Last night, I finished reading a 3 part series book. I have never been so livid before in my life. The author destroyed this book. I know, and I mean I know, this author could have rocked this book, but no, my 10 year old apparently helped her write it. So why the hell was I so livid? I have a binder I keep all my ideas written down in, which one of these ideas was ALMOST exactly like what this author just destroyed. So now what? If I stick to the idea I have, it’s going to look like I copied her reworded it and made it to something great or I can send it back to the outline section of my brain and figure a new and improved version back out. Sucks…I was already in love with my idea. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

When an idea comes slamming itself into my forehead, I watch the movie first. What?! Yep. My books stem from me playing a movie, seeing every emotion, every action, every blink, every water droplet, every single thing plays in my mind like a movie. It’ amazing to see it…until your ass tries to put it on paper with words that stop in junior high school. Side note: has become my best friend.

Since I wrote my first book I have a passion that drives me insane. I get a small idea, several during the day, and I write it down wishing I could stop the homework piling on my desk, put the kids to bed, and write the whole damn book right there. Does anyone else have this problem? I’ve scattered my thoughts on this paper enough, I’m itching to write now. Have a blessed evening. 🙂

My Novel Writing Level Zero

So I’m trying my hand at writing a novel…must I say Holy shit batman. I have a few things I see wrong that I’m doing. Let me explain.

  1. I write the way my mind thinks. Confused yet? I’m a SAHM with 3 kids under the age of 13, and a husband that made it to 10th grade. Vocabulary in this house is: Do you need to pee-pee in the potty? Stop! Put that back! How many times have I told you to clean your room? Where the hell is Big Britches…oh in his room playing Legos! Baby…can you please pick up after yourself. Have you ever tried to talk big words to kids? Heck today I said lethargic and my husband looked at me like I just did the ho-down in the kitchen. I thought everyone knew what lethargic was. Anywho, when I’m speaking with my 10 & 12 year old, hell, even my 33 year old husband I have to bring it down a notch. Since then…I suck. Words fail me. My brain stops on middle school vocabulary.
  2. I write the way my brain works. Yep about 1,000 words per second all jumbled up into a sentence. You’ve seen my other blogs…if you haven’t go give them a test drive. I am the world’s worse scattered brain person…ever! I’ll start in one direction and end up driving a few blocks, hell even to another city, then end up in the same spot I started. When I re-read it…I confuse the shit out of myself!
  3. I write the way my brain works. No it’s not a repeat from above and yes I meant to repeat it. Have you test drove my other blogs yet? You haven’t…well get to it. You have? Well then did you see all the little sentences or comma splices or run ons that tend to go for miles? Yep. That’s how my brain works. I write/type EXACTLY what my brain processes, spits on the ground, and kicks under the dirt so no one else will see it. Unfortunately, by the time its kick it under the dirt, my dumbass has already typed it and moved on to something else my brain is choking on.
  4. I’m to the point blunt. No not the ones you smoke, good grief I don’t live in Colorado. When I talk to someone I don’t give them every single detail of every single thing that happened during whatever I’m telling them about. That sentence alone was hard to describe. I am to the point. Let me give you a good example: My hubby!


My husband: I called mom today while she was at work before she went to lunch. She said she had to do bible study school on Sunday, so she’s studying it tonight after she gets done with her economics homework she has today. She told me her fridge is going out, so she called XYZ Appliances and the woman told mom that her fridge was doing the same thing and that it could be a spring. So to save her money, just keep an eye on it because the spring is going bad. Mom said that she hopes we all have a great day and that she loves you, and all of us.

Me: (If I was my husband): Talked to mom today. Her fridge is on the blitz. XYZ Appliances told her it was a spring. She loves us. (See the difference?)

My husband: (responding to a question I asked) I’m looking at Messy Marvin and both of us are shaking our heads no.

Me: (If I was my husband) No.

Are you seeing it yet? My husband says I have selective hearing and he’s right. I listen to certain things his conversation with thin air includes, then after that I’m back to not caring. I can always answer his question when he asks “Are you even listening to me? (yes) Oh you are? Then “What was I talking about?” (Your mom’s fridge)

I cannot describe things very well because I am blunt. Instead of showing someone is scared, for example:

My heart was racing sweat flooding my pours, my body trembling.

I want to just say, I/he/she/it/they were scared. I know this because I/he/she/it/they shit I/he/she/it/their pants.

My brain tends to process that easier. Didn’t yours? Yes on the first one you could imagine someone standing there visibly scared and on the second one you just see a pile of poop on the floor, but still you got the point. Just saying.

My novel has some very interesting scenes in it, unfortunately the descriptive part I struggle with. Now the high action scenes I’ve got that in a flipping basket. High action first person…who the hell has time to think, so basically I’m just telling you what someone is doing, not how 1st person feels. She don’t have time to feel, it’s too quick. Aced that!

I’m going to dedicate this section to my bestie Bree. Without her my poor novel would be a confusing to the point novel. She is my chief editor..and when I say chief I mean she’s rewriting the whole damn thing using all my words but changing them to sound better. She gives my bluntness detail. She doesn’t stray from my “movie” I played in my head to write the thing, but boy does she add some color! I promise if my book get’s published…no wait…WHEN my book gets published I will pay Bree money. Maybe a few dollars or two but still it’s something for all her hard work. If she complains then I’ll change one of my main characters name (which is after her name) to something more erotic like Natasha or Diamond. 🙂

Dear Wanna-Be Super Mornings

Dear Mornings,

I feel like I need to tell you a few things. First of all, you are not a super hero. You swooping in here every day, and shining lights in peoples face doesn’t constitute you as a hero. And don’t go put on a cape it will still not work out right. You will look like a counterfeit 4 dollar bill.

See let me break it down further for you. My day is very long and by the time I get to sleep, you like to pop up at the door with a party in a bag. You have caught me in the bed having an affair on my husband with my ‘mister’ insomnia several times! You’re like a parent who doesn’t knock! Then you make me get out of the bed and I endure your long and drawn out conversation about how you get off at 11:59 every day. You are such a horrible conversationalist that I can’t even get one word in. Luckily, you don’t know that my sweet secret love is there for me to count on and help me through the day. See without him, I cannot live. I need to feel his warmth in my mouth and through my body. He even has his own cup. 😉 Unfortunately, you are not the norm because I ignore you quite often while I’m cleaning, or other wifely duties and you still stick around. Most people would have gotten the hint.

I hate to have to handle things like this but trust me, you don’t want to talk about it when you first arrive because then is when I hate you the most. After I have my secret love to help me get through the day, I get better but even then you are on a dangerous mine field.

I will make you a deal: You show up around 8 or 9 every day, I will probably not hate you and cuss you so bad. Show up with coffee already made too, that will win my heart over. Oh and also my slippers. Yep! Bring them with you too. No birds. Those birds who sit at my window with the repetitive loud chirp like they are introducing their king with the trumpets…they will get you shot. No smell of food cooking too. I know this sounds weird but right when I wake up it’s very nauseating.

So, have we struck a deal? Am I asking for too much? I guess I will have to wait and see tomorrow huh? Well morning, I will wait. I will wait and see if you have agreed to my terms.






UGH!!!! You didn’t agree…..No deal. 😦

Fast Car! Car Keys!!!

My kids play this game that if they see a car that they think looks hot they call car keys on it. So now they own this car and no one else can call car keys on that vehicle unless it’s the next day. This is the same for trucks, campers, motorcycles, houses, etc. My favorite one is Set Up keys! This one is universal: If a truck is pulling a camper, a trailer with equipment on the back of it, or whatever it’s a setup key call. I personally do not have a parking lot that can fit all the vehicles and what not that they have called.

My oldest son tickles me. He’s really big into cars and of course the Fast and the Furious imports. He can just hear a ‘fart can’ (a car with a loud exhaust on it) and scream car keys! The 2 older boys are so competitive with each other that they will start calling them on everything they see going down the interstate. Sometimes it is sweet. I get a “Car keys for Momma!” or “Car keys! Mom will you drive me around in it?” “House keys! Here mom you can have it.” Yea sometimes they think of me.

Ok here are the rules to car keys:

  • First who yells it…gets it. If it’s a tie then you must decide who is going to “drive” it on the weekends or through the week.
  • You have to know the maker and try to know the type. For example: Ford (maker) Flex (type) or Chevy (maker) Tahoe (type)
  • You have to see it. For example, you drive a road everyday, you cannot call something around the corner. You have to see it.
  • If you don’t know the maker you have to try your best to figure it out. This is hard when you call car keys on a vehicle traveling the opposite direction on the interstate.
  • If you absolutely cant figure out what the car is, then the call is up to mom and dad.
  • You cannot call a whole parking lot. You can call an Army base but you have to be willing to share the tanks, true-hummers, and whatever else is ‘cool’ in there.
  • You cannot call the same car twice in one day.
  • No car keys infinity. Meaning it’s always yours.
  • You can call ONE house infinity, which by the way, mine is flipping awesome!
  • You are either in or you’re out. I mean don’t say you’re not playing then call car keys.

I know it seems like a lot of rules but once you play it, it gets very easy. I catch myself playing car keys by myself or with someone who doesn’t really care, like my father. Today I called a black Mazzeratti (sp?). That thing was nice.

I absolutely hate traveling sometimes because of this game. My 2 year old yells out car keys on hoopty rides LOL. WARNING: This game is extremely annoying, but just smile and ignore.  I will give you a hint: if someone calls car keys on a motorcycle, well then you must know they don’t have that motorcycle, so you better yell out motorcycle keys…then it’s yours. I have a parking lot full of motorcycles,

It’s a good imaginary game. It prevents punching wars between brothers in the back for calling punch bugs. Although, sometimes it can cause nasty arguments of “Not fair! You can see around dads head.”

So try it out. Go get you some cars that you never thought you would own. But don’t forget, it’s imaginary, so don’t go get in that car and take off. Don’t hold me responsible for you not reading well. 🙂

Venting Smoke

I’m going to vent with this one. It’s a little different from my style and you will see I’m going to struggle with the bitchfest since I’m usually a goofball. Anywho, this is my personal opinion, and just so everyone knows, everyone is allowed an opinion. I don’t need hate emails, or rude comments, or whatever cause I will respect your opinion by agreeing to disagree and not responding. Ok? Good.

My facebook has been riddled with these people who have been smoke free for days upon days. That is wonderful! But wait there’s more. Where I am from they have this new electronic but not electronic, add a flavor and nicotine to it and inhale cigarette.  I don’t want to give out the name because I’m not sure how they will take to this. It looks like a pen and you can buy flavors and liquid nicotine and add it to this thing. You hit a button to adjust your nicotine and you inhale…ahhh sweet cheese cake that was good. Here’s my deal…you are not smoke free for days if you still are puffing one of these. Instead, you have switched your habit from a cigarette to a pen smokie thingy, but you are still smoking!

I went camping several weeks ago and a friend of mine was there that has “quit smoking” for months now. Yes I did smoke at this time. I was a pack a day smoker. I’ll explain ‘was’ here in a few. When I drink, I smoke more. When I’m around the camp fire, I smoke more. My friend who has “quit smoking” had that pen smokie thingy attached to her lips constantly. Let’s say I smoked one cigarette every hour. That’s 10 drags a cigarette. (Not being literal, just using this as an example) I can bet you a pay check, wait I don’t get paid….ummmm I can bet you a good home cooked meal that this chick took a drag of her smokie pen thingy every 2-5 mins. Yea. Way more than I am. So technically you replaced one habit with another and you are trying to convince yourself that you are doing great because you aren’t smoking a chemical filled nasty cigarette? Not in my eyes. Maybe the first 1-2 weeks, but past that, it’s a habit and you will struggle to break it too.

Let me explain my ‘was’ to you. November 1st I’ve put down the cigarettes. Today is the 4th. I’m doing GREAT!!! I didn’t smoke the 1st two days until my hubby’s procrastination kicked in and sent me to a half a smoke. Ok well a half is not good nor bad. 3rd day I did great, and today…procrastination killed me. But I hope in the next week or so I’ll completely have my habit nipped in the butt with no pen smokie thingy.

Cold turkey isn’t for everyone and I understand. Slip ups happen to the best of us and I will not let that mess me up quitting. As for the new habit these people are starting, you still smoke. You still inhale and you still have the habit of bringing something to your lips and inhaling…whoa…get your mind out of the gutter! Therefore you are fulfilling your lovely habit AND including the nicotine that is the hardest part of quitting, for it is the drug that pushes you to want more.

Again, congrats on no chemical filled, nasty cigarette! Now quit your other habit you have created. You will go through the exact same thing as trying to put down the cigarette. Good luck!

Love to Hate SAHM

Walls. Four of them. They tend to move at me, closing in. Sometimes I even see them pointing and laughing at me. Other times they move in the middle of the night and when sleep deprived mom wakes up to get the kids up, I’m usually bouncing off them all the way to each boy’s room.

I’m not the typical stay-at-home-mom. I don’t go run errands, go to the park, or just have a fun time. I am the SAHM that has the never ending laundry basket, dishes in the sink, and a dirty house. I constantly clean up after my lil man, and the rest of the family. Laundry is the evil villain in my house. It mocks me as I wash them. It’s like a horror movie! I’m throwing clothes in the washer and the laundry basket is laughing as the clothes are marching in and jumping in the basket. Clothes are also running around the house and running out of energy to just plop where they were. Sounds nightmarish huh?

Then you have toys. The evil villains trusted side kick. They come to life while you have your back turned, like the movie Toy Story.  They live their normal lives amongst us giants that like to throw them in the box. I call them evil mainly because…well have you ever stepped on a toy blindly or even a Lego. I think that’s the equivalency of being shot but only by a toddler.

I am blessed that I am a SAHM but then again I am not. Some people would give their arm to be one, until they realize that it’s not all that fun. SAHM’s have no sick time, no vacation time, and no personal time. When you have the stomach bug, the cold, the flu, or whatever else can sneak in and get you, unfortunately you are the heart of the house and can’t miss a beat. Your youngen doesn’t care that you are sick; they want to play, or pee, or poop, or play choo-choos, or eat. Then you must do all that the little monster summons you to do or you will hear “mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mommie, mommie, mommie, mommie, mom, mom, mom, mom….” I remember when my lil man started to say mom, my heart just melted, not now! Mom is changing her name to El Crazioto.

Vacation time for the family means you still are at work doing the same thing except with some help from the assistant manager (dad) that seems to not do it the right way therefore making you work either twice as hard, or aggravated. Or they say “oh honey, I’ve worked all week, please handle this and I’ll do the next one.” That’s where I want to pull my trusted step stool out, climb those stairs, and smack him in the back of the head and say “oh honey, I’m still at work! At least you are able to leave your work!” Hubby works 3rd in my house and sleeps during the day. These are my hours: 6a-4p I am cleaning and playing with the kids, 4p-10p I have help from assistant, 5p-7p is cooking and eating dinner, 10p-6a I am on-call. This doesn’t include when Hubby is working over-time and going in early or the nights I have school work piled up to the ceiling and I only get 3-4 hours of sleep if I’m lucky. I have to work holidays, bad days, and days where I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Heaven forbid if me and the lil man woke up on the wrong side of the bed on the same day. That spells disaster at its best. Mega-Tornado. On those days I know to keep my mouth shut, and my mind busy or I’m going to snap like a green bean.

Personal time? I laugh at those two words. I go to the bathroom, lil man goes with me. I go take a bubble bath, lil man is playing in my bubbles. As I type this, lil man is sitting right on my left arm making it hard to type as he watches a bus that has to do errands. If you are like me, grocery shopping is personal time but then I’m worried about the kids when I’m gone. Personal time….I can’t stop laughing at those words.

There’s more to a SAHM. I’m a referee, maid, exterminator, short cook, chef, butt wiper, maid, snot wiper, vomit cleaner,  boogie man catcher, nightmare calmer, maid, beating stick for wrestling boys, meal planner, grocery getter, financial advisor, bill payer, boo-boo fixer, teacher, search and rescue of lost toys and other items, maid, and this list could go on, and on.

I know it seems like I’m doing nothing but complaining…nope I’m venting.  I love my life and the time I get to spend with my family. I love being able to see my lil man grow up and learn new things. I love being able to know that he isn’t getting all germed up at a day care and taking us all down with him. I love knowing that my kids are being raised correctly. I like being my own manager.  I love being able to be pulled out of a bad mood by a simple hug and a “love yoo mommie.” I love being able to spend time with my family and not sitting in traffic cussing everyone and wishing I was a SAHM. I love my job regardless of its horrible benefits, and awful pay. I feel over-worked and under-appreciated, but when my boys grow up and get out of the house and have their own families…that’s when the appreciation will kick in. It’s a hard job, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.