Category Archives: Bree

Thiefs! No really 1st, 2nd, and ideas.

They sucked the life out of me! Don’t ask me who, but some damn body has. I’ve been down and out…sick since late Friday evening…it’s Sunday now. When I stand I feel like I’m a beginner on stilts. I look like a new born giraffe wobbling around. Saturday I didn’t eat, today I’ve taken a few bites trying to regain my strength but it’s not here. Don’t feel bad for me. Give me no sympathy please. Just do me one small favor. Hunt these energy suckers down and give me back what they took.

Enough of the whiney stuff, let me introduce you to some things that are in my works. I’ve written my first novel. It’s complete. Took me 2 weeks to throw up on several pieces of paper! It’s now sitting in the lap of my best friend, Bree, bless her heart. It’s rough, I know it is. I’ve re-read it and laughed my butt off realizing that I should have listened to my English teachers while I was in school. Everyone smiles, nods, whispers, raises, and gasps. Bless them all. Bree’s giving me better insight on descriptive stuff.

Now from the 1st book stems the 2nd book. You all will need an answer…oohh I’m getting your attention. You’re gonna love it. I’m hoping to keep the title if whoever is awesome enough to publish my awesomeness on paper. Am I allowed to tell you it? I’m naïve with the rules of this stuff. I just want to write.

Last night, I finished reading a 3 part series book. I have never been so livid before in my life. The author destroyed this book. I know, and I mean I know, this author could have rocked this book, but no, my 10 year old apparently helped her write it. So why the hell was I so livid? I have a binder I keep all my ideas written down in, which one of these ideas was ALMOST exactly like what this author just destroyed. So now what? If I stick to the idea I have, it’s going to look like I copied her reworded it and made it to something great or I can send it back to the outline section of my brain and figure a new and improved version back out. Sucks…I was already in love with my idea. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

When an idea comes slamming itself into my forehead, I watch the movie first. What?! Yep. My books stem from me playing a movie, seeing every emotion, every action, every blink, every water droplet, every single thing plays in my mind like a movie. It’ amazing to see it…until your ass tries to put it on paper with words that stop in junior high school. Side note: Thesaurus.com has become my best friend.

Since I wrote my first book I have a passion that drives me insane. I get a small idea, several during the day, and I write it down wishing I could stop the homework piling on my desk, put the kids to bed, and write the whole damn book right there. Does anyone else have this problem? I’ve scattered my thoughts on this paper enough, I’m itching to write now. Have a blessed evening. 🙂

My Novel Writing Level Zero

So I’m trying my hand at writing a novel…must I say Holy shit batman. I have a few things I see wrong that I’m doing. Let me explain.

  1. I write the way my mind thinks. Confused yet? I’m a SAHM with 3 kids under the age of 13, and a husband that made it to 10th grade. Vocabulary in this house is: Do you need to pee-pee in the potty? Stop! Put that back! How many times have I told you to clean your room? Where the hell is Big Britches…oh in his room playing Legos! Baby…can you please pick up after yourself. Have you ever tried to talk big words to kids? Heck today I said lethargic and my husband looked at me like I just did the ho-down in the kitchen. I thought everyone knew what lethargic was. Anywho, when I’m speaking with my 10 & 12 year old, hell, even my 33 year old husband I have to bring it down a notch. Since then…I suck. Words fail me. My brain stops on middle school vocabulary.
  2. I write the way my brain works. Yep about 1,000 words per second all jumbled up into a sentence. You’ve seen my other blogs…if you haven’t go give them a test drive. I am the world’s worse scattered brain person…ever! I’ll start in one direction and end up driving a few blocks, hell even to another city, then end up in the same spot I started. When I re-read it…I confuse the shit out of myself!
  3. I write the way my brain works. No it’s not a repeat from above and yes I meant to repeat it. Have you test drove my other blogs yet? You haven’t…well get to it. You have? Well then did you see all the little sentences or comma splices or run ons that tend to go for miles? Yep. That’s how my brain works. I write/type EXACTLY what my brain processes, spits on the ground, and kicks under the dirt so no one else will see it. Unfortunately, by the time its kick it under the dirt, my dumbass has already typed it and moved on to something else my brain is choking on.
  4. I’m to the point blunt. No not the ones you smoke, good grief I don’t live in Colorado. When I talk to someone I don’t give them every single detail of every single thing that happened during whatever I’m telling them about. That sentence alone was hard to describe. I am to the point. Let me give you a good example: My hubby!

 

My husband: I called mom today while she was at work before she went to lunch. She said she had to do bible study school on Sunday, so she’s studying it tonight after she gets done with her economics homework she has today. She told me her fridge is going out, so she called XYZ Appliances and the woman told mom that her fridge was doing the same thing and that it could be a spring. So to save her money, just keep an eye on it because the spring is going bad. Mom said that she hopes we all have a great day and that she loves you, and all of us.

Me: (If I was my husband): Talked to mom today. Her fridge is on the blitz. XYZ Appliances told her it was a spring. She loves us. (See the difference?)

My husband: (responding to a question I asked) I’m looking at Messy Marvin and both of us are shaking our heads no.

Me: (If I was my husband) No.

Are you seeing it yet? My husband says I have selective hearing and he’s right. I listen to certain things his conversation with thin air includes, then after that I’m back to not caring. I can always answer his question when he asks “Are you even listening to me? (yes) Oh you are? Then “What was I talking about?” (Your mom’s fridge)

I cannot describe things very well because I am blunt. Instead of showing someone is scared, for example:

My heart was racing sweat flooding my pours, my body trembling.

I want to just say, I/he/she/it/they were scared. I know this because I/he/she/it/they shit I/he/she/it/their pants.

My brain tends to process that easier. Didn’t yours? Yes on the first one you could imagine someone standing there visibly scared and on the second one you just see a pile of poop on the floor, but still you got the point. Just saying.

My novel has some very interesting scenes in it, unfortunately the descriptive part I struggle with. Now the high action scenes I’ve got that in a flipping basket. High action first person…who the hell has time to think, so basically I’m just telling you what someone is doing, not how 1st person feels. She don’t have time to feel, it’s too quick. Aced that!

I’m going to dedicate this section to my bestie Bree. Without her my poor novel would be a confusing to the point novel. She is my chief editor..and when I say chief I mean she’s rewriting the whole damn thing using all my words but changing them to sound better. She gives my bluntness detail. She doesn’t stray from my “movie” I played in my head to write the thing, but boy does she add some color! I promise if my book get’s published…no wait…WHEN my book gets published I will pay Bree money. Maybe a few dollars or two but still it’s something for all her hard work. If she complains then I’ll change one of my main characters name (which is after her name) to something more erotic like Natasha or Diamond. 🙂

Evil Stomach Bug vs. Mom

It’s been a busy few days. The two older boys got baptized and lil man got dedicated. That was an exciting day for us.

Bree’s whole family has been sick with an evil stomach bug. It took her husband down for 4 days, Ralph gave her a runny diaper, and her daughter, precious Twinkies, threw up all over her. The joys of a stay at home mom!  Bree held down the fort like a champ. I would have pulled my hair up, out, crooked, and sideways before my day was done. I told you this to tell you this. Bree came Sunday and left the rest of the family at home to be sick together. She did what any respectful person does when other people are ate up with the nasty stomach bug; she stepped out the door and sprayed herself down with Lysol.  This morning (Monday) I get a call saying, “I’ve got this shit.” What do I do? Freak of course! What does any germaphobe do when they discover a sickling has been in their presence? Yep… Freak out! I already keep things pretty clean around the house but today (Monday), I set off Lysol bombs, wiped down everything, washed my hands too many times, GermXed them too many times. I’m so bad I’m scared to talk to her on the phone for fear of catching it through the lines. You really believe that? Hope not. Hopefully tomorrow she is feeling much better. Her husband came home from work to give her a hand, well actually he took over the fort and let her quarantine herself into the bed/bathroom.

Now, let me explain myself. I’m not like a crazy germaphobe. I believe in letting some germs enter the house so your body can learn to fight them off, but not the stomach bug! I have too much at stake. No I don’t like to shake people’s hands, which can be an awkward moment when someone is staring at you and you don’t have the heart to say “I saw you wipe your nose, um no thank you. Hi from over here.” I hate grabbing door handles, or anything of that sort outside of my house. I bet you I clean things that a lot of people never think about cleaning. Top of the soap dispenser, you know the ones you have to push down, them things are nasty. Washer and dryer knobs and handles, phones, and remotes. Once a week I hit every single door knob, kitchen knob, and light switch there is. I bet you my hubby is reading this now screaming for me to tell you his favorite germaphobe quirk about me. He laughs at me because I cannot stand vinyl flooring in the bathroom when I’m barefoot. So if I go into the bathroom, say to pee, Im sitting on the toilet and my toes are off the ground. I’m on my heels. If I’m in a hotel, I’m in flops just so I can walk into the bathroom. YUCK!  I’m not that bad though, just over conscious would be a great way to put it. Nowadays AJAX cant get a lot of this mess off, plus I’m a stay at home mom, I have no sick days!

So, if you do see me down the street and shake my hand, don’t get offended if I automatically grab for the germX or if I just plain don’t shake your hand….I saw you just wipe your nose. 🙂