Tag Archives: Bree

My Novel Writing Level Zero

So I’m trying my hand at writing a novel…must I say Holy shit batman. I have a few things I see wrong that I’m doing. Let me explain.

  1. I write the way my mind thinks. Confused yet? I’m a SAHM with 3 kids under the age of 13, and a husband that made it to 10th grade. Vocabulary in this house is: Do you need to pee-pee in the potty? Stop! Put that back! How many times have I told you to clean your room? Where the hell is Big Britches…oh in his room playing Legos! Baby…can you please pick up after yourself. Have you ever tried to talk big words to kids? Heck today I said lethargic and my husband looked at me like I just did the ho-down in the kitchen. I thought everyone knew what lethargic was. Anywho, when I’m speaking with my 10 & 12 year old, hell, even my 33 year old husband I have to bring it down a notch. Since then…I suck. Words fail me. My brain stops on middle school vocabulary.
  2. I write the way my brain works. Yep about 1,000 words per second all jumbled up into a sentence. You’ve seen my other blogs…if you haven’t go give them a test drive. I am the world’s worse scattered brain person…ever! I’ll start in one direction and end up driving a few blocks, hell even to another city, then end up in the same spot I started. When I re-read it…I confuse the shit out of myself!
  3. I write the way my brain works. No it’s not a repeat from above and yes I meant to repeat it. Have you test drove my other blogs yet? You haven’t…well get to it. You have? Well then did you see all the little sentences or comma splices or run ons that tend to go for miles? Yep. That’s how my brain works. I write/type EXACTLY what my brain processes, spits on the ground, and kicks under the dirt so no one else will see it. Unfortunately, by the time its kick it under the dirt, my dumbass has already typed it and moved on to something else my brain is choking on.
  4. I’m to the point blunt. No not the ones you smoke, good grief I don’t live in Colorado. When I talk to someone I don’t give them every single detail of every single thing that happened during whatever I’m telling them about. That sentence alone was hard to describe. I am to the point. Let me give you a good example: My hubby!

 

My husband: I called mom today while she was at work before she went to lunch. She said she had to do bible study school on Sunday, so she’s studying it tonight after she gets done with her economics homework she has today. She told me her fridge is going out, so she called XYZ Appliances and the woman told mom that her fridge was doing the same thing and that it could be a spring. So to save her money, just keep an eye on it because the spring is going bad. Mom said that she hopes we all have a great day and that she loves you, and all of us.

Me: (If I was my husband): Talked to mom today. Her fridge is on the blitz. XYZ Appliances told her it was a spring. She loves us. (See the difference?)

My husband: (responding to a question I asked) I’m looking at Messy Marvin and both of us are shaking our heads no.

Me: (If I was my husband) No.

Are you seeing it yet? My husband says I have selective hearing and he’s right. I listen to certain things his conversation with thin air includes, then after that I’m back to not caring. I can always answer his question when he asks “Are you even listening to me? (yes) Oh you are? Then “What was I talking about?” (Your mom’s fridge)

I cannot describe things very well because I am blunt. Instead of showing someone is scared, for example:

My heart was racing sweat flooding my pours, my body trembling.

I want to just say, I/he/she/it/they were scared. I know this because I/he/she/it/they shit I/he/she/it/their pants.

My brain tends to process that easier. Didn’t yours? Yes on the first one you could imagine someone standing there visibly scared and on the second one you just see a pile of poop on the floor, but still you got the point. Just saying.

My novel has some very interesting scenes in it, unfortunately the descriptive part I struggle with. Now the high action scenes I’ve got that in a flipping basket. High action first person…who the hell has time to think, so basically I’m just telling you what someone is doing, not how 1st person feels. She don’t have time to feel, it’s too quick. Aced that!

I’m going to dedicate this section to my bestie Bree. Without her my poor novel would be a confusing to the point novel. She is my chief editor..and when I say chief I mean she’s rewriting the whole damn thing using all my words but changing them to sound better. She gives my bluntness detail. She doesn’t stray from my “movie” I played in my head to write the thing, but boy does she add some color! I promise if my book get’s published…no wait…WHEN my book gets published I will pay Bree money. Maybe a few dollars or two but still it’s something for all her hard work. If she complains then I’ll change one of my main characters name (which is after her name) to something more erotic like Natasha or Diamond. 🙂