I feel like I need to tell you a few things. First of all, you are not a super hero. You swooping in here every day, and shining lights in peoples face doesn’t constitute you as a hero. And don’t go put on a cape it will still not work out right. You will look like a counterfeit 4 dollar bill.
See let me break it down further for you. My day is very long and by the time I get to sleep, you like to pop up at the door with a party in a bag. You have caught me in the bed having an affair on my husband with my ‘mister’ insomnia several times! You’re like a parent who doesn’t knock! Then you make me get out of the bed and I endure your long and drawn out conversation about how you get off at 11:59 every day. You are such a horrible conversationalist that I can’t even get one word in. Luckily, you don’t know that my sweet secret love is there for me to count on and help me through the day. See without him, I cannot live. I need to feel his warmth in my mouth and through my body. He even has his own cup. 😉 Unfortunately, you are not the norm because I ignore you quite often while I’m cleaning, or other wifely duties and you still stick around. Most people would have gotten the hint.
I hate to have to handle things like this but trust me, you don’t want to talk about it when you first arrive because then is when I hate you the most. After I have my secret love to help me get through the day, I get better but even then you are on a dangerous mine field.
I will make you a deal: You show up around 8 or 9 every day, I will probably not hate you and cuss you so bad. Show up with coffee already made too, that will win my heart over. Oh and also my slippers. Yep! Bring them with you too. No birds. Those birds who sit at my window with the repetitive loud chirp like they are introducing their king with the trumpets…they will get you shot. No smell of food cooking too. I know this sounds weird but right when I wake up it’s very nauseating.
So, have we struck a deal? Am I asking for too much? I guess I will have to wait and see tomorrow huh? Well morning, I will wait. I will wait and see if you have agreed to my terms.
UGH!!!! You didn’t agree…..No deal. 😦